Step into the Spotlight

[Gnarsh]

The story also ran in the Plain Dealer, Cleveland's main newspaper. They're usually mostly right.

[itches]

Well a new standard has been set, now I need to go kill various other animals with my bare hands.

[Gralhruk]

Bah, bambi killer. I'd be impressed if it was a bear or something.

[Gnarsh]

Especially since it's from Arkansas. They kill animals with their bare hands all the time down there, it's usually just called murder.

[itches]

The scene: the saloon of a sizable western border town, just before the turn of the century. One of those plink-a-plink pianos is being played in the corner; the streets are bustling with people, etc, etc.

Suddenly a wizened old prospector bursts into the bar and with a panicked look in his eyes, wheezes, "HEY EVERYBODY! Bad Bart is coming to town!"

Instantly, cowboys are jamming the door to get out, the loose women are hustling their bustles up the stairs, the piano player dives into the top of his upright and slams the lid, the bartender disappears behind the bar, women are running out into the street, grabbing their kids by the ears and dragging them inside, doors are slamming and being locked, shutters are being closed and latched, and in under a minute, the place looks like a ghost town, with the wind whistling and a single tumbleweed slowly rolling down the main street.

Then, off in the distance, a rumbling sound gradually becomes audible. The rumbling gets louder, and louder, and louder, until it sounds like thunder. If one looks in the direction of the sound, one can see a dust plume tearing across the desert. Soon it becomes apparent that there is something in furious motion at the head of that dust plume, and it is headed directly for this town.

In a few minutes, a bizarre and terrifying apparition appears. A huge bull buffalo is galloping down the main street, being ridden by an immense man dressed all in black. He's four feet wide across the shoulders if he's an inch, probably seven feet tall, has a gigantic black hat on, two immense revolvers on his belt, and he's got a timber wolf in one hand and a mountain lion in the other, held by the scruffs of their necks.

He roars up to the hitching post of the bar (no hands!) shouts "WHOA!" to the bison, whereupon it halts immediately. He jumps off, throw the wolf under the bar's boardwalk, ties the mountain lion's tail to the hitching post, and then puts his face nose to nose with the heaving, sweat-covered buffalo.

"Staaaayyy," he growls in a basso profundo voice, and the bull bison just freezes, as if carved from stone.

He walks in the bar, kicking the doors off their hinges in the process, stomps up to the bar, and yells for the bartender. A quaking head gradually rises from below the bar.

"Y-y-y-yes, um-um-um, sir?" says the bartender trepidatiously.

"GIMME A BOTTLE O' RED-EYE!" says the brute.

The bartender proffers a bottle; the big man knocks the top off against the bar and upends it into his gullet, broken bits of glass and all.

After he drains the bottle and slams it down, the bartender tentatively asks, "w-w-w-would you like another b-b-b-bottle, sir?"

The big man looks slowly around the bar, glances at the Regulator clock ticking on the wall (the only noise in the room at that moment) and then says,

"Nope! Can't stay. I hear Bad Bart's coming to town..."

[itches]

Not sure if the image is too large to just display like that, or if I should make it an attachment.

[BigRedRod]

That is most pleasing

[nightinverse]

I'm laughing.

[BigRedRod]

1 pixel = ~1000km

[itches]

Jaded220: my mum is going to cook up a heap of meat casserole type things over the weekend
Jaded220: so I can put them in the freezer for Ella
q970167: that will help
Jaded220: then she can eat meat and I don't have to cook it
Jaded220: It certainly will
Jaded220: and my mum loves cooking, and she loves Ella, so I don't feel bad about it
q970167: everyone wins!
Jaded220: Indeed
q970167: ...except the starving children in africa
Jaded220: she should make some for them too
q970167: lol
Jaded220: I do think it would be easier to just send them money
q970167: nonesense
q970167: you cant eat money

[BigRedRod]

Oh really?

[itches]

You people have weird money.

[nightinverse]

Don't forget, we can still eat paper money as well. Of course, here in the states, it's now inadvisable to eat anything with one of those nifty identifying plastic treasury security strips inside it.

[BigRedRod]

[itches]

And just yesterday I deleted my purple fanta picture. And we stopped using paper for our notes here in Oz many a year back. It's some plastic thing and it is washing machine safe.

[BigRedRod]

I can't find the photos my brother sent me of "Pepsi X" and "White strawberry fanta". Japan has crazy amounts of seasonal variation in their junk food.

[Gnarsh]

What the hell is "white strawberry"?

[BigRedRod]

A strawberry which is white. It wasn't a particularly exciting taste fiesta sadly

[itches]

DnD Alignment discussed in comic form

[BigRedRod]

“

Originally Posted by itches DnD Alignment discussed in comic form

”

It was pretty good until they decided to give it a punchline. And what about Sisko? Surely the best captain deserves a mention?

[itches]

And what DnD Alignment would you make him an example of?

[BigRedRod]

This should answer your question

[BigRedRod]

Using the internet to try and research anything science-related is usually about as productive and enjoyable as putting out a fire by trying to smother it with your face.

Once in a while though you stumble across something that while it doesn't answer you questions (by this time you start to wonder whether anybody knows the answers) does provide a smile.

I present to you A report on an experimental investigation into the electron band structure of Germanium

[nightinverse]

I prefer to argue molecular biology with science majors and thus get some very effective studying done while surfing unrelated forums.

[itches]

Jaded220: damn this stupid layout business
Jaded220: i hate failing
q970167: you're not failing
q970167: with every set back you learn something new
q970167: if only "that isn't how you do it"
q970167: therefore it's actually a small success, putting you one step closer towards ultimatly succeeding at the task
Jaded220: well in that case ive learnt loads of thing to NOT do
q970167: gods i sound positive there
q970167: i feel dirty now