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Unread 20th of February, 2003, 03:16
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itches
Vampire Lord [Epic Admin]

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Join Date: Jan 2002
Member: #10
Location: Castle Greyskull
Posts: 13,740 (2.27 per day)
How To Be Annoying
  • Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you ''like it that way.''
  • Drum on every available surface.
  • Drum on every available surface.
  • Staple papers in the middle of the page.
  • Ask 800 operators for dates.
  • Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
  • Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
  • Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
  • Specify that your drive-through order is ''to go.''
  • Set alarms for random times.
  • Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
  • Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
  • Honk and wave to strangers.
  • Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
  • Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
  • Tape pieces of ''Sweating to the Oldies'' over climactic parts of rental movies.
  • Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
  • ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
  • only type in lowercase.
  • Dont use any punctuation
  • Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  • Pay for your dinner with pennies.
  • Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
  • Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: ''Do you hear that?'' ''What?'' ''Never mind, it's gone now.''
  • Light road flares on a birthday cake.
  • Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
  • Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
  • Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
  • At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
  • As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  • Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
  • Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
  • Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
  • Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
  • Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce ''No, wait, I messed it up!'' and repeat.
  • Drive half a block.
  • Name your dog ''Dog.''
  • Ask people what gender they are.
  • Reply to everything someone says with ''That's what YOU think.''
  • Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
  • Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a ''real hoot''.
  • Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off ''in case the big one comes''.
  • Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
  • Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as ''Feliz Navidad'', the Archies' ''Sugar'' or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
  • While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  • Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
  • Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  • Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
  • Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
  • Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  • Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
  • Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
  • Wear a LOT of cologne.
  • Ask to ''interface'' with someone.
  • Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your ''superior mental processing.''
  • Sing along at the opera.
  • Mow your lawn with scissors.
  • At a golf tournament, chant ''swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!''
  • Finish all your sentences with the words ''in accordance with prophesy.''
  • Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
  • Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about ''psychological profiles.''
  • Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a ''magic picture''.
  • Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
  • Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
  • Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
  • Never make eye contact.
  • Never break eye contact.
  • Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
  • Construct elaborate ''crop circles'' in your front lawn.
  • Construct your own pretend ''tricorder'' and ''scan'' people with it, announcing the results.
  • Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
  • Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  • Make appointments for the 31st of September.
  • Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
  • Refuse to read this after all the effort I went through to format it like it is
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@}-`-- Coffee + Hate = itches

Last edited by itches; 20th of February, 2003 at 03:19.
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