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itches 31st of January, 2003 19:11

Step into the Spotlight
Welcome to the thread where the fun will is made.

Welcome to the thread where magic is born.

Welcome to the thread where itches is going to go on endlessly about many meaningless subjects.

itches 31st of January, 2003 19:15

To start off, I will be talking about the scourge of IRC.

No my friends it is not the ever-present hacker (and last line of defense against the threat of totalitarian governments)

it is not the flooder, with modern ignore technology they are barely even noted.


*takes a deep breath*

No my friend, the scourge of IRC, is the advertiser bot. Ops wage a constant war against these things, while trying to keep channel open for the chatting.

Into this war, steps a nameless fool nick = okcool channel = #sheep server = . This nameless fool is founder in a nameless channel. And on this channel, in his finite wisdom, he gave AOP to an advertisement bot.

Iím marking this down, as another reason why there should be an IQ test before people are allowed to register channels.

TheDruid20 31st of January, 2003 20:06

There is a reason I gave up on IRC about a year ago, not enough people to keep it interesting and the whole OP drama and the spam....

LeeCHeSSS 31st of January, 2003 20:08

It'd be rude to reply with just:

"Do we care?"


PaVel 31st of January, 2003 21:52

'cba' seems to be in order

BigRedRod 31st of January, 2003 21:59

these apples are delicious

I like the idea of IRC
but that's mainly based on bash quotes :)
in practice it's harder to find any good channels

SponkleofInfini 1st of February, 2003 00:02

Where's the magic? I want to see the magic! You said there would be Magic! :)

BigRedRod 1st of February, 2003 00:09

it's the same magic that holds my programs together
you can't see it but it must exist becuase there is no way in hell it can actually work :)

itches 1st of February, 2003 13:06

Aussie Aussie Aussie
  1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
  2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
  3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.
  4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.
  5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.
  6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
  7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.
  8. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
  9. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
  10. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.

SponkleofInfini 1st of February, 2003 17:44

T'is a bloody outrage it is!! :)

Beidamon 2nd of February, 2003 09:31

*pushes itches out of his spotlight*

Hahaha, the spotlight is mine now








*walks away*

BigRedRod 2nd of February, 2003 23:32

it's all very true Itches
you filthy Criminal aussies you :)

itches 4th of February, 2003 02:53

There is only one thing, on this Green, Blue, Yellow, and a bit of Brown earth that is more scary and freaky then children.

and that is children laughing and playing.

itches 7th of February, 2003 23:11

Thats right boys and girls It's story hour.

WARNING: You might be offended by what is following If you think you might be, stop reading now!

itches 7th of February, 2003 23:19

Looking through the fractured glass a stranger peers at me. Who is this person peering at me, blood dripping down her face? Who is this person who looks at me with such despair, such anger, such vengeance in her eyes?

This is the person who defeated me. This is the person who beat me down time after time, never letting me up. Screaming out.

I hate you. I love you

Tears leaking out of her face. Is she crying? Who is she? I love her.

A perfect face marred by old scares still bleeding, focused by eyes older then her years, younger then she deserves.

She screams.

You killed me

A sudden blow, the fractured glass shatters. I fall way from her and lie on the cold floor.

Why? Who are you? I hate you! Why?

Her hand creeps to my throat, a voice whispers

I love you. Why wont you let me go?

I cry I thrash

I love you. Stop, your hurting me.

The hands clench tighter


The voice demands


My head bounces off the floor again and again.

You killed me!
I hate you! I love you.

The hands release and I flop to the floor. My eyes open and I see her reflected in broken glass. Poetic to her eyes so full of pain.

I love you. Why wont you let me go?

I love you why did you let me die?

The glass raises and I loose sight of her. She cries

You held me in your arms at night and told me you would never let go.

Iím sorry

I love you

You let me die. I hate you

The shard descends and enters my chest. Blood flows free

Why? Why did you kill me?

I love you

Iím not dead

You died long ago

I hate you

You killed yourself

I am you.

I love you forever

BigRedRod 7th of February, 2003 23:35

my thoughts :

itches 9th of February, 2003 01:38

<Sonof> pick a colour
<XxBoxerBabexX> purple?
<XxBoxerBabexX> lol
<Sonof> You Fail! Commit Honorable Seppuku!!
* Sonof presents XxBoxerBabexX with a Rose @}-`---

itches 15th of February, 2003 22:52


Originally posted by SponkleofInfini
Where's the magic? I want to see the magic! You said there would be Magic! :)

What happens when 2 poets fall in love?
Magic is born, far and above.
Together they weave, the threads of their life.
Forever and ever, husband and wife

itches 17th of February, 2003 00:59

There was an old married couple that had lived happily together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind

Nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning.

He told her he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done, but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands.

She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out." The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out," until one Thanksgiving morning.

Before dawn the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, gravy, and of course a turkey. When she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem.

With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them back up, replaced the covers, and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.

Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud butt-trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood-curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom. The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten even.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood-stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I wouldn't listen to you." "What do you mean," asked his wife. "Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened.

But, by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got them all back in."

itches 20th of February, 2003 03:16

How To Be Annoying
  • Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you ''like it that way.''
  • Drum on every available surface.
  • Drum on every available surface.
  • Staple papers in the middle of the page.
  • Ask 800 operators for dates.
  • Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
  • Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
  • Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
  • Specify that your drive-through order is ''to go.''
  • Set alarms for random times.
  • Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
  • Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
  • Honk and wave to strangers.
  • Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
  • Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
  • Tape pieces of ''Sweating to the Oldies'' over climactic parts of rental movies.
  • Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
  • only type in lowercase.
  • Dont use any punctuation
  • Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  • Pay for your dinner with pennies.
  • Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
  • Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: ''Do you hear that?'' ''What?'' ''Never mind, it's gone now.''
  • Light road flares on a birthday cake.
  • Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
  • Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
  • Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
  • At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
  • As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  • Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
  • Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
  • Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
  • Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
  • Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce ''No, wait, I messed it up!'' and repeat.
  • Drive half a block.
  • Name your dog ''Dog.''
  • Ask people what gender they are.
  • Reply to everything someone says with ''That's what YOU think.''
  • Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
  • Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a ''real hoot''.
  • Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off ''in case the big one comes''.
  • Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
  • Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as ''Feliz Navidad'', the Archies' ''Sugar'' or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
  • While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  • Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
  • Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  • Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
  • Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
  • Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  • Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
  • Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
  • Wear a LOT of cologne.
  • Ask to ''interface'' with someone.
  • Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your ''superior mental processing.''
  • Sing along at the opera.
  • Mow your lawn with scissors.
  • At a golf tournament, chant ''swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!''
  • Finish all your sentences with the words ''in accordance with prophesy.''
  • Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
  • Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about ''psychological profiles.''
  • Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a ''magic picture''.
  • Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
  • Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
  • Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
  • Never make eye contact.
  • Never break eye contact.
  • Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
  • Construct elaborate ''crop circles'' in your front lawn.
  • Construct your own pretend ''tricorder'' and ''scan'' people with it, announcing the results.
  • Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
  • Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  • Make appointments for the 31st of September.
  • Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
  • Refuse to read this after all the effort I went through to format it like it is

BigRedRod 20th of February, 2003 04:09

I didn't make it through the list
I'm installing Sim city 4 and it crashed last time so I'm sure I need to keep an eye on it



Honk and wave to strangers.
and yeah thta's some random punctuation right there

PaVel 20th of February, 2003 07:03


answer the question : 'What is your favourite number ?'
with '2' or 'Pi' ( you know 3.14blablablablabla )

itches 25th of February, 2003 07:05

Well it's offical. I'm an idiot.

For age now, there has been a single short line of code, which has confused me to no end.

if ( %login = Off )
For a long long long time, I was somehow under the assumption that it ment if %login was set to off.

But as you were told, I am an idiot. What it actuly means is if %login is off. as in, %login means off.

Yep, I'm an idiot.

LeeCHeSSS 26th of February, 2003 00:00

The way you formulate it, you say the same twice...

BigRedRod 26th of February, 2003 00:38

well I don't quite get none of your jibber jabber
I'm guessing it's the distinction between "=" and "==" that seems to have popped in all the languages I've used

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