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Gnarsh
4th of November, 2005, 13:54
The story also ran in the Plain Dealer, Cleveland's main newspaper. They're usually mostly right.

itches
4th of November, 2005, 15:54
Well a new standard has been set, now I need to go kill various other animals with my bare hands.

Gralhruk
5th of November, 2005, 00:26
Bah, bambi killer. I'd be impressed if it was a bear or something.

Gnarsh
5th of November, 2005, 08:23
Especially since it's from Arkansas. They kill animals with their bare hands all the time down there, it's usually just called murder.

itches
5th of November, 2005, 12:34
The scene: the saloon of a sizable western border town, just before the turn of the century. One of those plink-a-plink pianos is being played in the corner; the streets are bustling with people, etc, etc.

Suddenly a wizened old prospector bursts into the bar and with a panicked look in his eyes, wheezes, "HEY EVERYBODY! Bad Bart is coming to town!"

Instantly, cowboys are jamming the door to get out, the loose women are hustling their bustles up the stairs, the piano player dives into the top of his upright and slams the lid, the bartender disappears behind the bar, women are running out into the street, grabbing their kids by the ears and dragging them inside, doors are slamming and being locked, shutters are being closed and latched, and in under a minute, the place looks like a ghost town, with the wind whistling and a single tumbleweed slowly rolling down the main street.

Then, off in the distance, a rumbling sound gradually becomes audible. The rumbling gets louder, and louder, and louder, until it sounds like thunder. If one looks in the direction of the sound, one can see a dust plume tearing across the desert. Soon it becomes apparent that there is something in furious motion at the head of that dust plume, and it is headed directly for this town.

In a few minutes, a bizarre and terrifying apparition appears. A huge bull buffalo is galloping down the main street, being ridden by an immense man dressed all in black. He's four feet wide across the shoulders if he's an inch, probably seven feet tall, has a gigantic black hat on, two immense revolvers on his belt, and he's got a timber wolf in one hand and a mountain lion in the other, held by the scruffs of their necks.

He roars up to the hitching post of the bar (no hands!) shouts "WHOA!" to the bison, whereupon it halts immediately. He jumps off, throw the wolf under the bar's boardwalk, ties the mountain lion's tail to the hitching post, and then puts his face nose to nose with the heaving, sweat-covered buffalo.

"Staaaayyy," he growls in a basso profundo voice, and the bull bison just freezes, as if carved from stone.

He walks in the bar, kicking the doors off their hinges in the process, stomps up to the bar, and yells for the bartender. A quaking head gradually rises from below the bar.

"Y-y-y-yes, um-um-um, sir?" says the bartender trepidatiously.

"GIMME A BOTTLE O' RED-EYE!" says the brute.

The bartender proffers a bottle; the big man knocks the top off against the bar and upends it into his gullet, broken bits of glass and all.

After he drains the bottle and slams it down, the bartender tentatively asks, "w-w-w-would you like another b-b-b-bottle, sir?"

The big man looks slowly around the bar, glances at the Regulator clock ticking on the wall (the only noise in the room at that moment) and then says,

"Nope! Can't stay. I hear Bad Bart's coming to town..."

itches
7th of November, 2005, 00:07
http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b303/blueredgrey/lionmsn6vw.jpg
Not sure if the image is too large to just display like that, or if I should make it an attachment.

BigRedRod
7th of November, 2005, 02:54
That is most pleasing

nightinverse
7th of November, 2005, 06:47
I'm laughing.

BigRedRod
9th of November, 2005, 02:08
1 pixel = ~1000km (http://www.troybrophy.com/projects/solarsystem/index.html)

itches
10th of November, 2005, 19:14
Jaded220: my mum is going to cook up a heap of meat casserole type things over the weekend
Jaded220: so I can put them in the freezer for Ella
q970167: that will help
Jaded220: then she can eat meat and I don't have to cook it
Jaded220: It certainly will
Jaded220: and my mum loves cooking, and she loves Ella, so I don't feel bad about it
q970167: everyone wins!
Jaded220: Indeed
q970167: ...except the starving children in africa
Jaded220: she should make some for them too
q970167: lol
Jaded220: I do think it would be easier to just send them money
q970167: nonesense
q970167: you cant eat money

BigRedRod
10th of November, 2005, 19:19
http://www.showyourlogo.com/custom-candy/chocolate-coins.jpg
Oh really?

itches
10th of November, 2005, 19:51
You people have weird money.

nightinverse
10th of November, 2005, 20:11
Don't forget, we can still eat paper money as well. Of course, here in the states, it's now inadvisable to eat anything with one of those nifty identifying plastic treasury security strips inside it.

BigRedRod
10th of November, 2005, 21:59
http://static.flickr.com/31/61839900_5e7188c4ff.jpg

itches
10th of November, 2005, 22:06
And just yesterday I deleted my purple fanta picture. :( And we stopped using paper for our notes here in Oz many a year back. It's some plastic thing and it is washing machine safe. ;)

BigRedRod
10th of November, 2005, 22:13
I can't find the photos my brother sent me of "Pepsi X" and "White strawberry fanta". Japan has crazy amounts of seasonal variation in their junk food.

Gnarsh
11th of November, 2005, 07:15
What the hell is "white strawberry"?

BigRedRod
11th of November, 2005, 07:20
A strawberry which is white. It wasn't a particularly exciting taste fiesta sadly

itches
11th of November, 2005, 19:45
DnD Alignment discussed in comic form (http://utlt.keenspace.com/d/20051110.html)

BigRedRod
11th of November, 2005, 20:08
DnD Alignment discussed in comic form (http://utlt.keenspace.com/d/20051110.html)
It was pretty good until they decided to give it a punchline. And what about Sisko? Surely the best captain deserves a mention?

itches
12th of November, 2005, 15:18
And what DnD Alignment would you make him an example of?

BigRedRod
13th of November, 2005, 05:18
This should answer your question
http://img67.imageshack.us/img67/549/image9ka7vw7uv.gif

BigRedRod
16th of November, 2005, 09:00
Using the internet to try and research anything science-related is usually about as productive and enjoyable as putting out a fire by trying to smother it with your face.

Once in a while though you stumble across something that while it doesn't answer you questions (by this time you start to wonder whether anybody knows the answers) does provide a smile.

I present to you A report on an experimental investigation into the electron band structure of Germanium (http://www.cs.wisc.edu/%7Ekovar/hall.html)

nightinverse
16th of November, 2005, 15:28
I prefer to argue molecular biology with science majors and thus get some very effective studying done while surfing unrelated forums.

itches
18th of November, 2005, 13:17
Jaded220: damn this stupid layout business
Jaded220: i hate failing
q970167: you're not failing
q970167: with every set back you learn something new
q970167: if only "that isn't how you do it"
q970167: therefore it's actually a small success, putting you one step closer towards ultimatly succeeding at the task
Jaded220: well in that case ive learnt loads of thing to NOT do
q970167: gods i sound positive there
q970167: i feel dirty now

Gralhruk
19th of November, 2005, 00:23
With independancy comes maturity.

Cadrius
21st of November, 2005, 10:33
I present to you A report on an experimental investigation into the electron band structure of Germanium (http://www.cs.wisc.edu/%7Ekovar/hall.html)

Fucking Germanium. Nothing changes.

Would you like to see people dressed up as characters from Street Fighter dance the salsa? Of course you do! (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6839543456203292758&q=street+fighter)

The Alcotroll
21st of November, 2005, 23:19
I feel I should share this. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/nolavconsole/ukfs_news/hi/newsid_4450000/newsid_4455300/bb_wm_4455316.stm)

itches
26th of November, 2005, 16:33
Sonof> hey twisted_x___
<twisted_x___> Hi Sonof
<Sonof> i've been online for 5 minutes already!
<Sonof> ...unless i just jinxed it
<twisted_x___> Wow!
*> (Sonof) has Quit (Ping Timeout)
<@twisted_x___> JINX.

nightinverse
26th of November, 2005, 19:51
Next Episode: Bush Eating Habit, Foiled By Wrapper!

itches
30th of November, 2005, 01:20
NINJA ESCAPE!

http://atlas.walagata.com/w/itches/ninjaescape.jpg

itches
4th of December, 2005, 20:17
UltramanJimBill: It seems rockwolf is indeed aline
p970167: aline?
UltramanJimBill: *alive
p970167: alive or online?
UltramanJimBill: he'd been off the orp for nearly a month
p970167: bastard
UltramanJimBill: I had to dispatch the orp tracking robots
UltramanJimBill: NOBODY LEAVES
p970167: Kahluah ?
UltramanJimBill: kahluah is still about
p970167: he knows rockwolf from non-orp world
p970167: were i trying to hunt down rockwold, i would inplant an alien parisite into kahluah's brain
UltramanJimBill: really?
p970167: well presuming I can find an alien parisite
UltramanJimBill: That really was in regard to the knowing him from the non-orp world
p970167: oh, well i don't know how well they know each other, but there is a connection there

nightinverse
4th of December, 2005, 21:02
I sense somebody wants to use the Zerg...

itches
8th of December, 2005, 01:28
Me: Are you busy?
Voice in my head: Yeah, I have to go to bed. I've got school in the morning.
Me: Bugger school! I went to school for almost 13 years, and do you know what I learnt there? A lot! So go to bed!

Cadrius
10th of December, 2005, 20:56
Walking to the bar tonight, I saw two establishments that were almost directly across the street from each other.

One was El Chupacabra. The name itself was amusing. However, the other bar across the street was called the Stumbling Goat. It was just too perfect. Someone out here must have a sense of humor...or irony.

itches
11th of December, 2005, 15:47
This deserved to be in here.

I found this (http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/tolkien/92091) article to be interesting. If you ever wanted to read a treatise on the Stewards of Gondor, you're in luck. If you have a few minutes, check it out.

BigRedRod
12th of December, 2005, 00:19
Finally! Your computer can tell you which celebrity you vaguely look like (http://www.myheritage.com/FP/Company/tryFaceRecognition.php?s=1&u=g0&lang=EN&restore)

Without my beard I'm 62% Ben Affleck. With it I'm 60% Kevin Mitnick, although I don't know who that is.

The Alcotroll
12th of December, 2005, 01:11
Before broken nose: Sean Astin and Michael Caine, both at 46%.

After broken nose: 60% Boris Karloff and 57% John Travolta.

Cadrius
12th of December, 2005, 09:46
Really cool idea, but it can give wildly different results from picture to picture. I tried using three, two of which were taken within a month of each other, and got all sorts of crazy celebrities: from Jim Morrison to Tupac Shakur to Gary Cooper to The Right Honorable Louis Francis Albert Viktor Nicholas Mountbatten.

itches
14th of December, 2005, 17:36
http://images.despair.com/products/demotivators/wishes.jpg (http://www.despair.com/)

The Hive Custodian
14th of December, 2005, 18:45
They've updated that site! Sweet.

itches
15th of December, 2005, 17:02
<typo> I leave tomorrow!@
<Sonof> you'll be on the same tetontic plate as me!
<Sonof> and you'll be just an ocean away from Australia
<typo> :D
<typo> Come over and visit me
<Sonof> no i'm alright
<Sonof> you should just grab a fast and float over the kylie
<typo> too much work
<Sonof> do it at night
<Sonof> you can sleep on the way
<typo> What if the sharks get me
<typo> :(
<Sonof> then you'll prolly die slow painful death as you bleed out
<Sonof> or a quick painful death as they tear you apart and eat you alive
<typo> oh
<typo> :((

itches
21st of December, 2005, 08:49
the Flat Earth Society (http://www.alaska.net/~clund/e_djublonskopf/Flatearthsociety.htm)

Help dispel heretic notions and re-educate the masses!

The Alcotroll
27th of December, 2005, 08:56
I spotted this elsewhere, and decided to share it here. It's tasteless, but ever so funny.

itches
29th of December, 2005, 02:01
Suzie and Alfred lay flat on the neatly cut grass of a suburban backyard, she held in his arms, cuddling in the privacy provided by wooden fences and strategically placed trees. Both enjoyed the solitude and temporary escape from the havoc of teenage life, happy to steal a few moments to themselves.

"Suzie," Al said. "What'cha thinking about?" Suzie was quiet for a handful of moments as she considered the question and put together her answer.

"I'm looking up at the sky above us," she began. "And thinking about how there is nothing really there. Just miles of air trapped against the surface of a rocky sphere and an infinite void beyond. I think about how we're clinging to the surface of a small ball, held in place by a force so weak that static electricity is powerful enough to break its hold.

"I'm fighting the urge to cling desperately to the ground, to stop myself from floating away which will start to happen any moment now. To keep touch with my family, my friends, my life, the very earth itself. I stand at the edge of a tall cliff, and I don't falling. I fear not falling."

"You're thinking all of that?" Al asked sounding impressed.

"Yeah," Suzie replied without taking her eyes off the sky above them. "What are you thinking about?"

"Oh nothing anything like that."

"Tell me."

"It's well ... no never mind."

"No tell me, I'm curious now."

"Okay. Well right now I'm mostly thinking about that from this angle I can see down your top, and that you're not wearing a bra today."

itches
29th of December, 2005, 03:34
Best tv theme ever.

HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

HE-MAN!
And the Masters of the Universe.

I am Adam, Prince of Eternia, defender of the secrets of Castle Greyskull.
This is Cringer, my fearless friend.

Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic
sword and said:
"By the power of Greyskull"

HE-MAN!

"I have the power!"

Cringer became the mighty Battle Cat.
And I became He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe.

Only three others share this secret.
Our friends the Sorceress, Man at Arms and Orko.

Together we defend Castle Greyskull from the evil forces of Skeletor.

HE-MAN!

Gralhruk
29th of December, 2005, 03:40
Peter Gunn has a pretty good theme.

itches
29th of December, 2005, 03:53
I couldn't resist. :paranoid: If for no other reason then for me to come back and find it funny again.
Hey, irrelevent could have worked.
Apparently it was good enough for spell check.
One day my spell checker will gain sentience from being used so much. On that day humanity will be domed! Domed!

itches
29th of December, 2005, 04:06
Today hasn't been all good news

LeeCHeSSS: Im planning to do more to ORP again in the near future :-)
itches: would said future ORP plans involve me and an adminship?
LeeCHeSSS: would you think that beneficial to ORP then?
itches: sure
itches: once i finish going mad with power, only the best of the best will have survived
itches: like how a lion kills the weak animals in a herd, leaving the stronger ones to survive
LeeCHeSSS: ok, question answered and request denied

BigRedRod
29th of December, 2005, 04:42
I've been playing with this all day (http://ishi.blog2.fc2.com/blog-entry-165.html). So very much fun.

itches
2nd of January, 2006, 02:32
Sonof says: HOLY SHIT I'M BLEEDING!
Kahluah says: bleeding? from?
Sonof says: i dont know
Sonof says: there is blood on my hands
Sonof says: either i'm bleeding or i blacked out and killed someone again
Sonof says: oh that's okay
Sonof says: it's just the two mysterious pucture marks on my neck
Sonof says: anyway, that's not why I opened the window to talk to you
Kahluah says: lol..
Sonof says: aren't you glad you have a friend like me?
Kahluah says: yes
Kahluah says: lol

itches
2nd of January, 2006, 17:13
The three little words (http://online-roleplaying.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3830) thread finally got killed, so I tossed together all the words. It could have been a fun game if people cared a little more (or at all) about the overall content instead of just random words. Read, enjoy, then try to stop your eyes from bleeding.

Once, when I still was a small boy, there was no way Uncle Bob should be able to eat the entire Birthday cake, while sitting on barbwire and twirling a miniature giant space hamster over the pickled peanut stew It was truely strange to see such a man picking at his nose while perfoming total nonsense sentences.

At that point, mind you, I had just entered, the dark fuzziness of the damned was still a tad cold after I took off my earplugs and super-sized green fuzzy pickle earrings. Then, from out of the toilet wrose a small fat porcupine with bronze razor-sharp tarnished quills and a little pink bowtie.

He danced a little before throwing up inside the first lady's purse. Smiling upside-down from laughing hysterically, I didn't bother to check my pink silken cod-piece, because it fit like a glove (maybe because my balls are tiny and delicate and I have an oddly shaped nipple...it resembles a light switch).

After that I sat down and got plastered because the waffels were soaked with fine single-malt scotch aged in sherry barrels and ripened grapes. I was so amazed by the Purple People Eaters (which had one giant bollock and two cheeseburgers) that the chickens made by mixing five pints of backwash, that I fell into the sewer.

It smelled like unwashed lederhosen and looked eerily similar to aunt sally's green bean casserole. Meanwhile, back at HQ, we were lamenting the loss of my hotdog which we named Bob. He had just been named emperor of New-ark, even though the old Ark wasn't broken. Nevertheless, Bob was now dead.

We found traces of saliva on his muffin and frankfurt-like body; our primary suspect was a seabass called Henry. But although disgruntled and emotionally unstable, he was certainly enthusiastic about Rosanne's career. Bob was alive, the only hotdog in the hearts of Atkins dieters. He will live but at terrible cost to his pants, because they shrunk in the sofa.

What the hell were we just talking about? Bob thought to hold his testicles under the faucet spewing out acid to see how long he could sustain this burning, he found that half a second it hurt, unsurprisingly.

Meanwhile, back in Kansas, a man wept for joy because his tiger gave birth to formerly known as Ultros the Destroyer who had nineteen cakes, he always liked playing with arithmetic overflow and mercury from thermometers. We didn't think it could possibly get any worse until we saw, well, the script.

It was crap. No pink dinosaurs! So we added them, and pirates, with parrots and a paraplegic frog. Who would have thought that little Jimmah Dean would wank so hard he'd pop an artery in his neck. O the, no, scratch that; I meant wang.! He filled a
rather large spork with man fluid with streaks of Blueberry jam sandwiches and flung it (is this grossing anyone out yet?) at a policeman.

The copper smiled at his partner, who proceded to shoot at everyone with his potato he was Irish Catholic, but didn't feel a burning when he peed. *sigh* Never mind. Where's my stapler?

This is getting to the good rich chocolate center, nummy! Can't wait until somebody says, "How many licks can you memorize with a spoon.", in bed and The-Friendly-Fiend always cheats. Brian is back, much to the dismay of squirrels, sheep and little girls trying desperately to frolic about the maypole.

"Tra-la-la you crazy people don't realize that to fight flab you've got to chug Pan Galactic. My spork is bigger than yours. Reach out and touch my spork for tons of milk and honey you righteous devils, punch someone, or just do a little dance. My good foot's bad but I can tell you that I love eating marmalade and popsicles.

My wing wang is nearly a city block long. Hand grenades are good anal beads... for more information press 7 now. Operators are standing by to defenestrate anyone who does. Please hold, for no reason whatsoever we enjoy making stupid dick jokes.

I have never taken off my fig leaf because of my pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis you hear this is actually a very hippopotomonstrosesquipidelian word cleverly coined by a silly person, who will now eat his own remarks of floccinaucinihilipilification. Eternal likes big lovin' spoonfuls of Dimetapp and children's cough medicine coctails mixed with dung.

This is spam. Spam backwards is (I think LeeCHeSSS doesn't post enough.) Merry F***ing Christmas! and happy new toys. Oh, and get ready to burn in hell you blasphemous weirdos. Lest ye be spanked and tortured in thou old-language . This is getting just a little outdated... Perhaps we better lie down, LonePaladin needs pills.

Feld requires more even more pills, lots of pills, only good ones, blues and reds, all the best. All the while, soliciting in the park after dark with all of the hoodlums aboot, the young man really wanted to invade trap two. The Back door was always more deliciously inviting for eating some boar or even wild LeeCHeSSS dancing around the tabletop.

Perhaps we might find that in fact behind the facade there was really a sparkly, twinkling three shillings, sixpence. Standing on her this is dead. No it's not. Are you certain? So very certain!! No you're not. Where were we? was I wrong? Looks like it... Whatever.

So, anyway... There's a girl with thighs like a rusty trombone. melted Velveeta, and rusty, say thee? Cheap unpure brass smells just like unwashed lederhosen. However, impure silicon tights make me feel oh so dirty yet so liberated. Putting them on, changes my attitude significantly.

A vibrating sensation of exquisite pleasure emanating from my rabbit hole has a consistancy of crushed, fragrant oysters and lemon mixed with horseradish flecked liberally with chips of plastic. Ginger bearded children danced together under gibbering tendrils of burning moose semen.

Their seraphic smiles cast a pall non-dairy beer, consumed by the undead dove knights in leather lederhosen and yellow wristbands, the mark of Nyarlathotep on their upper-left forearms. Known for violence, prepared to lick thread necromancers bedamned to rehash overdone hashbrowns, made with a big bowl undoubtably caked with

--- we interrupt this arisen thread to beat our viewers with a wet halibut soaked in gasoline. Stand by for the continuation of our feature, made with creature most delicately peeled counter-clockwise against the grain of wheat. He cried hysterically Over spilt acid burning his pants and boyfriend's mouth with fresh unfettered blue cheese chunks running through her nose.

She screamed ,but no one could hear through the vacuum of the space-time continuum. Oh woe is the poor, thoughtless oblivion to which all sinners may cower in a corner, a cap is put on backwards, perhaps to

nightinverse
2nd of January, 2006, 17:51
There are some good segments, such as:

"--- we interrupt this arisen thread to beat our viewers with a wet halibut soaked in gasoline."
"Feld requires more even more pills, lots of pills, only good ones, blues and reds, all the best."
"Merry F***ing Christmas! and happy new toys. Oh, and get ready to burn in hell you blasphemous weirdos. Lest ye be spanked and tortured in thou old-language . This is getting just a little outdated... Perhaps we better lie down, LonePaladin needs pills."

My personal favorite: "My wing wang is nearly a city block long."

Gralhruk
4th of January, 2006, 01:01
My personal favorite:

I'd love for this site to have a community outside of games, I really would. but if this is the best you can do then I really worry for what might lie within some of the forums we host.

itches
4th of January, 2006, 01:07
Yeah, I loved that part too.

BigRedRod
7th of January, 2006, 01:12
The sun gets smaller if you move further away. (http://www.nasa.gov/images/content/140155main_image_feature_481_ys_full.jpg)

itches
7th of January, 2006, 03:09
Where is that taken from?

BigRedRod
7th of January, 2006, 03:11
It's no fun if I tell you and it is quite easy to work out.

itches
7th of January, 2006, 03:58
Randomly generated garfield strips (http://www.livejournal.com/users/i_am_here_now/185191.html). I'm too lazy to make my own, so you can just go there. And it's deeply wrong that they can be randomly tossed together like that, yet I still find some of them funny.

BigRedRod
7th of January, 2006, 05:22
I loved Garfield when I was kid despite the fact that only one in a hundred was really any good.

The randomiser itself be here (http://www.cs.washington.edu/homes/natetrue/gar.html)

itches
10th of January, 2006, 05:44
I keep an eye on a horroscope feed (http://my.horoscope.com/gethoroscope.asp?day=9&month=1&year=2006&sign=4) via LiveJournal, and what I think counts as the best horoscope ever came up.

Please check back very soon, we are performing maintenance on the website and will have the information back shortly

nightinverse
10th of January, 2006, 12:57
That randomizer is very fun, as are those linked to by itches.

jaded
12th of January, 2006, 23:39
I'm posting here because itches told me to!

Gralhruk
13th of January, 2006, 00:38
There seems to be a lot of that going around (http://www.online-roleplaying.com/forums/showpost.php?p=147522&postcount=4344).

Kelemyn
13th of January, 2006, 04:27
There seems to be a lot of that going around (http://www.online-roleplaying.com/forums/showpost.php?p=147522&postcount=4344).It's the in thing to do.

The Alcotroll
14th of January, 2006, 05:31
Apparently, when a woman runs a mile, her breasts bounce 135 meters.

I felt you should all be made aware of this.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4607642.stm

By the way, I can't seem to make the link button work.

nightinverse
14th of January, 2006, 07:38
And here, the main cause of sagging has been verified by science!

itches
18th of January, 2006, 18:45
It's the in thing to do.
One small step closer to world domination...

itches
18th of January, 2006, 21:33
<Sonof> should I get pizza?
<Janette> Sonnnnnoooooooof
<Janette> so mean
<Janette> besides
<Janette> you can't eat pizza at this time of night
<Janette> you'll get fat!
* Janette pinches
<Sonof> yes i can
<Sonof> and i'll just purge afterwards
<Sonof> it's what all the cool kids are doing

itches
20th of January, 2006, 22:49
Anyone who plays miniature battle stuff like warhammer should take a look at this (http://www.deepfriedhappymice.com/html/end_of_minis.html)

zachol
21st of January, 2006, 16:31
You know, I think I just wasted a few hours of my life.
Page.... 27....

Thank you very much, itches. Thank you very much.

itches
21st of January, 2006, 17:07
Anything I can do to steal a portion of someone's life.

itches
22nd of January, 2006, 00:10
Sonof: you know what I need?
Sponkle: I'm affraid to ask
Sonof: a lightsabre. that would solve all my problems
Sponkle: and cause a shitload more
Sonof: well they would be new, lightsabre related problems at least
Sponkle: yes at least you can fall back on the fact it will mix things up

BrianL03
22nd of January, 2006, 16:51
I've realized my posts per day is incredibly low. I need to therefore in turn, raise that number by inversely lowering my posting morals.

Hence, my appearance in this thread.

nightinverse
22nd of January, 2006, 17:23
I was going to quip about morality, but then your comment made me fear a conditional rebuttal. Thus, I must make this post worthwhile, through referring to why I must make this post worthwhile.

Paranoid seems to be overtaking me once again.

zachol
23rd of January, 2006, 07:49
Ah, the old "Make fluff not fluff by showing how it would be an example of fluff" trick, eh?


And huzzah for at least 1 ppd!

itches
23rd of January, 2006, 14:01
Actually this thread only really has a strictly limited use for trying to get your post total higher. One the best thing I can suggest for that, is getting into conversations with people in OOC threads. Strangely enough, the absolute best thing that I have observed, is posting in the IC thread very frequently.

So in conclusion, no turning my thread into a crappy place to raise post totals. This is a thread for crappy jokes, crappy links, crappy IRC logs and whatever other crappy things I’m forgetting.

Now become distracted by the pretty dots while I go pretend that I'm actually going to post in my games. http://atlas.walagata.com/w/itches/dothewave.gif

itches
23rd of January, 2006, 14:30
True love hurts sometimes. (http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/1342232.html)

zachol
23rd of January, 2006, 15:17
Every post counts.


Ohmygod! Is that one image, or 7 different ones that happen to make a silly wave pattern?
*checks*
Oh, it's just one.
*stares for 27 pages*

And I always noticed that about bats and supes.

nightinverse
23rd of January, 2006, 19:50
Batman and Superman have always had a bizzare relationship, no bones about it. Batman occasionally enjoys the support of Superman, but Superman actually is dependent upon the mortal man... I'm not sure whether it is due to Batman's example of a destructive hero or his superior intellect.

itches
25th of January, 2006, 01:57
This got a terrible responce in my LiveJournal, so I'm posting it here. A dream I had a few nights back.

Wow, fucked up dream. It started off with this prologue stuff, showing us this back story of how a young man found a small child who could speak very well and was lost. He protected him as well as he could, but in the end he was forced to give him up to the authorities to try and find his parents.

The most of it was that I had some psychic powers and there were a couple of us at this boarding school. I was on my way to the school when a group of "evil" people came across me and tried to do something to me that involved singing a song. I knew before they started what they were going to do thanks to some cryptic advice I was given before I set, I think it was from the girl who appears later, so I covered my ears and hummed my own tune which stopped theirs from working. This apparently pissed them off so they secretly followed me to the school and decided to try and get revenge.

I of course noticed them following me, so once there I hid myself to see what they were going to do. All they did was ride on past without showing any interest in it.

There were three of us who had powers of some sort, one obviously was me. Then we had an older guy (who was really only middle aged) that was the young man from the prologue and a girl I think gave me the cryptic warning earlier. We were sitting around when the older guy and the girl started commenting about how they had a 'bad feeling', which everyone else started to feel when a very heavy and unnatural fog surrounded the school. We went out to investigate and I found the evil ones (three of them) from before were circling around the school and sending out 'psychic probes' which we started blocking and trying to trace back to find out where they were.

We were good at blocking the probes, but they always withdrew them before we could trace it to their location. Blocking them was a weird process, the probe was like a tentacle of will and we could erect a wall of will in front of it. The probe would push against and we would struggle to keep the wall intact. Eventually they stopped sending them out so we retired back to what I think was the school office, confident that we had won.

Somewhere in here I remember one of the non-powered people asked the old guy why he was so driven to protect and guide us. He said that he had already failed Charlie once, he wouldn't do so again. Apparently the child from the prologue and the girl shared the same name.

Around this time the fog started creeping into the school so the old man and I went out to try and lift it with our psychic powers. We totally failed, apparently weather manipulation wasn't my thing, so we retreated to the office building to have lunch and talk about what to do next. It was then that I noticed one of them was in the school grounds near another building that was closer to the entrance, so I jumped out of my one and tried to do battle with him.

The guy was pouring something around the foundations of the building. It was a very weird battle, constantly trying to will stuff to happen against his own will. It wasn't working very well at first, so I decided to go around it directly. I psychically 'pushed' against his legs to knock him over and it worked. Then he got back up and I made the earth "ripple" under his feat in a kind of mini-quake which also knocked him over. Not the most effect thing to do but it had stopped him pouring that stuff on the building.

Next I tried to make him 'bleed', I was trying to wound him and I targeted his chest on the side - almost underneath the arm. I found it a hell of a lot harder then the other stuff had been and his friends pulled him up inside so I don't know if it worked.

Then the building caught fire. Apparently they had been pouring some sort of fuel on the base of it and now they set fire with all the kids inside. Luckily they had trained for fire drills so they all went out the front of the school by the road to like they were supposed to, and after I made sure they were all making it out the doors alright I went around the building to check to see if the evil ones had came out.

I found myself in this little alcove, about 5 week square big. On one side was the fence to the boarder of school property and the other was a window to a teacher's office. I peeked in and found the three of them in there making their way to the window and talking about the fire. I hid myself to ambush them and considered what I was going to do. In the psychic department I had shown that I could hold my own against one of them but not defeat quickly. And this time there were three of them at once, a surprise attack can only give you so much of an edge.

This part gets a bit graphic. The first one to climb down was the guy I had been duelling with earlier. As soon as he touched the ground, but before his companions had started, I leaped out of my hiding spot. I wrapped my left arm around his head from behind, and with my right hand I shoved his nose into his brain killing him. Then I dropped the dead body and retreated as his companions realised what I had done.

Once back outside I helped organise the children and was about to lead them further away from the fire when the remaining two evil ones appeared in front of us. The teachers didn't know the danger and still wanted to walk forwards, so I had to stop them from moving while keeping between the children and the remaining evil ones. Of the evil ones there was an older woman, and another guy who was very quiet and I got the impression was half crazy.

We bantered for a while in the quickly dissipating fog, with her clearly hating me and wanting to kill me but not daring for some reason. For my part I was only barely able to keep making sure the children didn't start walking and keep my eye on her, so while I kept on banting I didn't dare try to attack her. I believe we did talk about how I killed 'him'.

Then my friends turned up, who had until now been busy keeping putting out the fire and making sure the children got out safe, and out numbered the remaining evil ones retreated. At this point the older guy said something about how with their "Seeker" killed they were much weaker then before. I thought about it, and noted an amazing coincidence between us. Both sides had an older person with more experience there. They both had a "Coder" who apparently was very quiet and just a little crazy. And then I proved to be fairly good counterpart to "Seeker" then I had killed.

With that all over we went back to school and life carried on as much like normal as possible. Then one day I was out the front of the school when I noticed a man driving past in blue sedan. I wasn't totally sure, but I thought that it looked very similar to the guy I had killed.

I rushed back to tell everyone, and we spread out in the surrounding streets to see if we could catch a glimpse of him if we drove past. We had been out there for a little while when we caught a glimpse of a man staggering down the street dressed in overalls. Everyone went to help him and he claimed that someone had attacked him and stolen his car.

The dream starts to get a bit spotty here because I was starting to wake up, but I think that the guy in the car ran down the man in the overalls. I got a good look at him and it was the guy that I had killed, so everyone was talking about it and trying to figure out he could have survived/come back to life when I finally woke up.

Gralhruk
25th of January, 2006, 02:06
You've been playing too much Kotor, my son.

itches
25th of January, 2006, 02:24
I actually haven’t played that since when you first started playing. I've got the urge to play again now, but I'm going to let it build for a while to help me get through Taris.

treehouse
25th of January, 2006, 06:25
KOTOR and KOTOR II are great games; unfortunately, they both suffer from the oh-so-contrived DGJCTFLUHTGSTAIMS (Don't Give the Jedi Character Their Freaking Lightsaber Until Halfway Through the Game So They'll Appreciate It More Syndrome).

For more on this, read this unfocused, profanity-laced rant: http://www.d3thstar.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=1663

Oh, and don't read past the first post or so unless you want some random minor stuff in KOTOR II spoiled for you.

Gralhruk
25th of January, 2006, 06:51
Just wait 'til next weeks installment, where dream itches gets a lightsabre of his own and proceeds to open up a pseudo-jedi matrix-inspired limb-severing ninja-pirate can of whoop-ass on the psychic evil dudes (and dudette).

BigRedRod
25th of January, 2006, 08:05
Don't you start in Kotor2 with a light saber? My memory may be a bit fuzzy but I'm pretty sure that you get one right at the start or very early in the game.

The problem with Kotor2 was that they didn't have time to finish it so the plot has massive gaps

treehouse
25th of January, 2006, 08:22
The end, in particular, was so disappointing it was actually hilarious. I was sitting there, absently watching the credits scroll, silently mouthing "that's it?" over and over until I started laughing hysterically. My wife almost had me committed.

And no, you don't get the lightsaber immediately at all. I was about a third of the way through, maybe closer to halfway through, by the time I had all of the pieces.

Cadrius
26th of January, 2006, 07:43
Woo-hoo! Now we can work on dumping this crappy rock we're living on and start decimating the next one!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11013519/from/ET/

red_dr4g0n94
26th of January, 2006, 07:56
Obviously the first people to move to said planet would be the Eskimos, since they're already used to a cold environment like that. Mabye a few Russians from Siberia will join them too.

itches
26th of January, 2006, 14:29
<Ben> haha are you guys on shifts or something?
<Ben> [14:09] * Quits: Janette (marvellous@=fS053-320-83-208.dyn.iinet.net.au) (QUIT: User exited)
<Ben> [14:09] * Joins: Sonof (Raven@203.201.96.qp99=)
<Sonof> yes
<Sonof> can't let the internet go unguarded

zachol
26th of January, 2006, 14:49
Ah, that seems to happen to me all the time.


Though, it's more that I log in right when everyone else logs off. :worry:

itches
27th of January, 2006, 15:24
[Ban] - [twisted_x___] [*!*@=epwpj-831-093-138-534.triad.res.rr.com]
[Kick] - [twisted_x___] [beaenboeinab] at [#TheDark] Reason: [ twisted_x___]
<typo> :)
<twisted_x___> =o
<Sonof> who was it?
<twisted_x___> A known flooder
<twisted_x___> He goes to an active channel I op in, and whois's all the OPs then floods the channels they're in
<Sonof> add him to our huge akick list!
<twisted_x___> lol
<twisted_x___> he'll never be on that host again, though
<twisted_x___> he's always on a proxy
<twisted_x___> though, his realy ISP is aol
<Sonof> ah
<Sonof> that explains it
<Sonof> if my isp was aol, i'd use a proxy too
<twisted_x___> lol

Flagg Thornington
31st of January, 2006, 11:14
You know it sure seems like there's been a million new members in the ORP.
Has anyone looked at all the new games popping up lately? What's happening, Are we all going insane???

nightinverse
31st of January, 2006, 13:21
I think we are just growing. We don't have over 600 members yet, right?

This reminds me, I need to get back to GMing my games...

Gnarsh
31st of January, 2006, 14:37
Current count is 604, actually.

nightinverse
31st of January, 2006, 15:41
Well, bloody hell.

treehouse
31st of January, 2006, 16:43
You know it sure seems like there's been a million new members in the ORP.
Has anyone looked at all the new games popping up lately? What's happening, Are we all going insane???
Actually, a lot of the new blood (myself included) came over when we thought 3rdedition.org was shutting down. Several existing play-by-posts over there were in danger of ceasing to exist, and we all wanted to make our transition to the same place. We picked ORP. When we found out that 3EBB would remain, we just kinda stayed anyway. :)

nightinverse
31st of January, 2006, 17:12
I personally think that is a pretty good thing.

Flagg Thornington
1st of February, 2006, 11:06
Welcome aboard chaps!

zachol
1st of February, 2006, 16:03
(aside from the fact that you guys must be having much worse server traffic) I'm really happy to have come here.

The software is much better, there are subboards, and it's just generally designed for pbp.
Which I suppose it is.

Plus I like the color scheme. It's "dark" without being annoying.



*awkward pause*


Hey yeah wa-ho huzzah three cheers and all that!!

itches
1st of February, 2006, 21:41
Just testing something.

http://pics.livejournal.com/jaded220/pic/0008ed45

itches
2nd of February, 2006, 02:00
This morning I woke up and said to myself: "itches, no matter what else, don't walk through a spider’s web today. If you can avoid that, then anything else can happen and you're still allowed to claim this day as a success."

Today was not a sucess.

Gralhruk
2nd of February, 2006, 02:03
The arachnids are keeping you down. Don't worry - they're just jealous of the giant scorpians.

treehouse
2nd of February, 2006, 03:50
When monologuing, you actually refer to yourself by your ORP handle? That's odd.

Gralhruk
2nd of February, 2006, 04:30
And odd is normal for itches.

itches
2nd of February, 2006, 11:31
I tend to use itches most everywhere on the internet, so it's not that weird. Well okay, it is.

nightinverse
2nd of February, 2006, 11:55
I tend to use itches most everywhere on the internet, so it's not that weird. Well okay, it is.

It isn't really. I use four identities interchangably myself.

zachol
2nd of February, 2006, 13:21
Eh, just zachol and imamowon here.

Yes, you heard the last one right. ;)

(oh, and zach/zacharaih)

itches
2nd of February, 2006, 23:23
Good news guys. It took a couple of day’s worth of tests, but it’s been confirmed that I’m not pregnant.

Flagg Thornington
3rd of February, 2006, 23:48
Damn, and I was trying so hard...It's my fault, my substandard seeds.

BrianL03
4th of February, 2006, 09:30
Aha! So it's not mine, then!

zachol
4th of February, 2006, 11:27
Huzzah!


...

Wait, this is or isn't good news?

*sits blankly, having no idea of what happened before on this subject*

Cadrius
4th of February, 2006, 11:31
Good news guys. It took a couple of days worth of tests, but its been confirmed that Im not pregnant.

Given the octopodial monstrosity you birthed last time, I think the world is better without another spawn of itches rampaging through the Pacific.

itches
4th of February, 2006, 11:54
I still haven’t worked out who impregnated me with it.

BrianL03
4th of February, 2006, 12:27
Well, considering your proximity to the Pacific, which is really close to Japan, it must be Godzilla.

zachol
4th of February, 2006, 14:15
Or perhaps Cthulhu?



Wait, how would that work... Cthulhu father of son...

Ow, brain hurts.

LeadPal
9th of February, 2006, 08:46
Godzilla is already paying alimony to Fire Rodan for Godzillasaurus. I doubt he'd be so foolish as to pay it to itches too. Seems more like the work of Space Godzilla to me.

zachol
9th of February, 2006, 10:54
Iie, supasu no gojira wa funoosha.


(no, i don't really speak japanese, and no, i'm not saying that space godzilla is fun)

BrianL03
10th of February, 2006, 06:33
Tanoshii is the proper adjective for "fun", FYI.

But otherwise, good grasp on the basic grammar.

LeadPal
10th of February, 2006, 07:51
Yeah, today's online translators are getting better and better.

BrianL03
10th of February, 2006, 09:32
Yeah. I remember back in the day failing my final French assignment for high school because I got lazy and didn't want to write it all in French, so I just typed it up in English and Babelfish'd it.

BrianL03
10th of February, 2006, 09:33
Man, and I really need to start posting 5 times a day so I can get caught back up for all the days I missed posting.

itches
12th of February, 2006, 22:28
Dear Faculty and Students:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens'
luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at an Assisted Home for the Aged. All
of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know
someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old
forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio. Before I received this one,
she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.
The other day, her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of
little pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could
listen to mine, and I said "fuck you".
Thank you for that opportunity.

zachol
13th of February, 2006, 11:48
Hah! Silly old people.



And LeadPal! How dare you imply I would use a stupid translator?
I know a teeeeny bit of Japanese.

Just enough to know that babelfish spouts garbage.

BrianL03
13th of February, 2006, 15:47
Too bad, it would have made Adams proud if it actually did work.

Then again, maybe he's enjoying its inability to effectively translate in a humoristic fashion as well.

nightinverse
13th of February, 2006, 16:22
Babelfish translates with varying accuracy, some languages end up almost clean, others are diced to death...

itches
13th of February, 2006, 18:17
<Sonof> the monster is up but Kylie is still asleep
<venetta> lol
<venetta> are you watching her
<Sonof> hell no
<venetta> lol
<venetta> does she like you?
<Sonof> I'll go check her if i hear screaming or smell a fire
<Sonof> unfortunatly :(
<venetta> lol
<venetta> hahaha
<Sonof> last time i was here she would chuck a fit when ever Kylie and I hugged, wanting attention from her mum
<Sonof> this time she keeps wanting hugs from me
<venetta> hahaha
<venetta> thats cute
<Sonof> she's playing with dirt
<Sonof> every child's second favourate toy
<Sonof> number 1 being matches
<venetta> lol

itches
14th of February, 2006, 12:27
It's a game with lightsabres, what more do you want? (http://www.ebaumsworld.com/games/jeditrainer.html)

BrianL03
15th of February, 2006, 17:53
itches, that game is particularly awesome. I give it love. Lots of it.

Flagg Thornington
17th of February, 2006, 01:08
Very fitting, Itches darting around with shaft, I mean sabre, in hand.
I met a man last night at the bar that was probably around twenty years old.
He proceeded to brag to a large group of drunkards that he once scored witha fifty-six year old woman. I guess there's some things that should be left behind closed doors.

zachol
17th of February, 2006, 02:54
Woohoo. Isn't he lucky...

*ducks from flying rotten tomatoes*

The Alcotroll
17th of February, 2006, 03:04
To whom it may concern...

You may have noticed that I'm damn busy at the moment. As well as the paperwork for my PGCE (CRB checks are the worst form of beaurocracy), I've also got another form for the Fuzz, and a number of ongoing applications. When I'm not filling forms in, I'm in school trying to explain elementary maths to a bunch of dumb kids who've got their SATs coming up. Somehow I have to get them to pass...

On top of that, my Router is still pissing around.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I doubt I'll be posting in much for the forseeable future, though I intend to return once I've got a grip on my admin. If I play in one of your games, either shelve, NPC or kill my character. If you play in one of mine then don't despair, but don't hold your breath either.

BrianL03
17th of February, 2006, 06:42
I need my first paychecks from my two jobs to arrive. I am very quickly running out of money for rent/utils/groceries/etc.

That and I need to print out a receipt of my book purchases so my mom can give me money back for them out of the education fund (I am extremely grateful for that).

itches
17th of February, 2006, 22:23
Conquistador Alvarez: I have a confession to make
Sonof: you killed somone?
Conquistador Alvarez: no, i went to kings comics without you
Sonof: ...
Conquistador Alvarez: IM SO SORY!
Sonof: ...
Conquistador Alvarez: SORRY!
Sonof: I don't even know who you are anymore
Conquistador Alvarez: It didnt mean anything i swear
Conquistador Alvarez: It was a horrible experience and it was so quick i dont know what happened

zachol
18th of February, 2006, 10:15
Amusing!

BrianL03
18th of February, 2006, 16:04
itches, these are real convos, right?

itches
18th of February, 2006, 16:05
Yep. Conquistador Alvarez is one of the real life people I know.

BrianL03
18th of February, 2006, 16:16
Oooooh, tell us more of your juicy internet tales!

zachol
19th of February, 2006, 12:57
Yes, with extra juice.

Er, juiciness?


Uhhh.... heylookoverthereatsomethingdistracting!

itches
20th of February, 2006, 01:19
http://i.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop/08-05-05-council/DeadeyeDick.jpg

BrianL03
20th of February, 2006, 01:28
Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

I saw Wicked on Thursday, and I can't get "Dancing Through Life" outta my head.

nightinverse
20th of February, 2006, 08:29
See, I always thought itches was a grizzly bear... one reason why I never gave my home address.

Cadrius
20th of February, 2006, 13:46
It's a game with lightsabres, what more do you want? (http://www.ebaumsworld.com/games/jeditrainer.html)

Haven't checked this thread in a while so I'm a wee bit behind the times. Still, this is the best game posted in this forum since that minigolf one.

Gralhruk
20th of February, 2006, 14:38
And what high praise that is.

itches
20th of February, 2006, 16:06
I loved that minigolf game. I still have the crappy hole-in-one solutions (http://www.angelfire.com/psy/darkside/golf.html) I made.

BigRedRod
20th of February, 2006, 19:15
I do wish you knew better than to link to ebaum's world though, itches

Cadrius
21st of February, 2006, 05:08
That minigolf one was fantastic.

Except for Hole 17. God damn that hole.

BrianL03
21st of February, 2006, 15:33
I never played that little minigolf game, possibly because I did before you all found out about it, and was instantly bored, like I typically am, by golf.

Although GOLF for Game Boy did keep me occupied for long times.

itches
21st of February, 2006, 20:44
Sonof: Do you prefer odd or even numbers?
Conquistador Alvarez: even
Sonof: what's your favourate number?
Conquistador Alvarez: 32
Sonof: favourate colour?
Conquistador Alvarez: blue
Sonof: and finally, how tall are you?
Conquistador Alvarez: um, 6ft 8in
Conquistador Alvarez: hmm, here's a thought, why?
Sonof: According to the detailed psychological profile I have done on you, you are a communist and you harbour plans to overthrow the government. The police will be there shortly.

itches
22nd of February, 2006, 02:35
[02:33:37] <Hidin> well pffffffffffft
[02:33:40] [Join] - [Caramel]
[02:33:40] [Op] - [ChanServ] [Caramel]
[02:33:42] <Caramel> pft

itches
22nd of February, 2006, 03:08
Good news and bad news folks. Good news: I killed BRR. Bad news: Our Admin is now a zombie.

BigRedRod
22nd of February, 2006, 03:11
Surely a zombie admin would be a good thing?

I mean,
Grrrrrararar. Brains!

Gralhruk
22nd of February, 2006, 03:14
Demoted to Zombie, though? I don't see it striking fear into the hearts of the other undead here.

LeeCHeSSS
22nd of February, 2006, 03:18
Itches, what is the point of this??

BigRedRod
22nd of February, 2006, 03:20
UltramanJimBill: grgaetggrearsg
p970167: *stabs you in the ear*
p970167: Hmm, I seem to have killed you
UltramanJimBill: *zombie noises*

I'm shifting this into the spotlight

itches
22nd of February, 2006, 03:20
Humour mostly. So no real point. It came about from this conversation.

UltramanJimBill: grgaetggrearsg
p970167: *stabs you in the ear*
p970167: Hmm, I seem to have killed you
UltramanJimBill: *zombie noises*

Edit: Beaten by your fell admin-zombie powers! Oh well I suppose it should have gone into the spotlight instead of its own thread anyway.

nightinverse
22nd of February, 2006, 09:52
"Admin-zombies... the real force between D&D adaptations and the Thief series."

I wish I could remember where I had heard that.

BrianL03
25th of February, 2006, 09:05
Damn zombie admins. I need to start killing your kind off again.

itches
26th of February, 2006, 03:27
You need to read this. (http://www.psychicgoldfish.com/swg/index.htm) It's basically fan-fiction inspired by Star Wars Galaxies screenshots, but it gets very good. I'm more then a little impressed, especially by the last finished chapter.

itches
26th of February, 2006, 15:47
What is a Toddler?

If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.

If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.

If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed,
inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.

If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator,
monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.

If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances
be ridden in without protest.
It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.

If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me,
I must walk alone.

If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the
floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.

If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into MY
mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full
force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon,
it must be dropped on the floor.

If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool,
milk, or toilet water.
If it is a carseat, it must be protested with arched
back.

zachol
26th of February, 2006, 16:14
Heh... don't like toddlers much here.

nightinverse
26th of February, 2006, 17:53
Children aren't really here to continue the species, they are here to worm their ways in and convince us to slay each other for the greater good with flaming copies of 1984.

itches
28th of February, 2006, 03:22
<Sonof> i was listening to this song fairly loudly, and it's 3am
<Sonof> right at the end of the song there is some silence, then someone yells something out
<Sonof> i had never noticed it before, so i at first thought it was a neighbour yelling because of my loud music
<Caramel> lol
<Caramel> so did u yell back
<Sonof> no, i killed the volume on my speakers
<Sonof> then i thought to (quietly) check the song
<Caramel> lol
<Sonof> because it was someone yelling "ye-haw" and that's just a little too weird to yell at loud music in the middle of the night
<Caramel> lol

itches
28th of February, 2006, 03:35
Better to say "I ♥ You"
than to say "I ♠ You"

zachol
28th of February, 2006, 10:21
Dang... not getting it.

Programming, I assume?

BigRedRod
28th of February, 2006, 11:03
♥ = heart = love
♠ = club = to club

Either it's really weak or I too am missing something.

Gralhruk
28th of February, 2006, 11:57
Actually, I think it is:

♠ = spade = spayed = neutered.

nightinverse
28th of February, 2006, 13:56
Though club might have been good.

BrianL03
28th of February, 2006, 13:58
Either works, though.

BigRedRod
28th of February, 2006, 19:50
How did I confuse clubs and spades?

Maybe it's referring to burying?

itches
28th of February, 2006, 23:34
Sonof: anyway, how's life been treating you?
Tsukinoko: well, I'm still getting over this annoying cold, but apart from that things have been rather good
Tsukinoko: i've started to study again
Sonof: what are you studying?
Tsukinoko: and i'm studying out of self-motivation, not because i paid for a course and need to finish it by xx/xx/xxxx
Tsukinoko: i'm trying to further my teaching skills by going through my TESOL manual and I've FINALLY started going through my linguistics book set!
Tsukinoko: i started the first book today
Tsukinoko: i've been taking down notes as i go, too
Sonof: that actually sounds practical
Tsukinoko: now that TESOL is over and i can study Japanese at a easier pace, i have time to start making myself uni-ready
Tsukinoko: why thank you
Tsukinoko: i feel very happy hearing that, actually
Sonof: i'm deeply offended by the concept of practical study
Tsukinoko: LMAO
Tsukinoko: well, i'm still happy to hear it, so there =p

itches
3rd of March, 2006, 03:41
UltramanJimBill: People need to realise that whining like a retard achieves nothing
UltramanJimBill: there may be more than a hint of irony in that statement

itches
6th of March, 2006, 00:37
The opening of the Simpsons done with live-action actors. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfMPXzgqbqY&search=real%20simpsons)

BigRedRod
6th of March, 2006, 00:40
The opening of the Simpsons done with live-action actors. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfMPXzgqbqY&search=real%20simpsons)
I saw that last night, it is oddly impressive.

Cadrius
6th of March, 2006, 19:50
Quite impressive, actually.

Cadrius
8th of March, 2006, 18:20
There are certain things that we take for granted in life. We expect our cell phones to have service. We expect our air conditioning to keep us cool. We expect toilets to flush.

Then there are things we don't expect. Typically these happen when something we take for granted stops working. One of the worst ones to experience is A GEYSER OF HUMAN FECES ERRUPTING OUT OF YOUR SHOWER DRAIN.

If only Lovecraft were alive today. He could work wonders with such a scatalogical terror.

Gralhruk
9th of March, 2006, 00:47
I smell a story there.

BigRedRod
9th of March, 2006, 03:43
I'm currently experiencing that strange word phenomenon where you hear a word once and suddenly it is everywhere after previously never having been said.

That word is scatalogical.

Gralhruk
9th of March, 2006, 03:51
Scatalogically speaking, I hate when that shit happens.

Cadrius
9th of March, 2006, 08:59
I know this is old, but it makes me laugh every damn time.

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c217/minicupcake/dd711d56.gif

nightinverse
9th of March, 2006, 16:09
I know a guy on dA who has an altered version of that for his avatar. He reckons it brings in half his pageviews.

itches
15th of March, 2006, 22:08
<twisted_x___> potential flood
[Op] - [ChanServ] [twisted_x___]
[Mode] - [Sonof] [+i]
<twisted_x___> isn't restrict still on?
<twisted_x___> lol
<Sonof> yes
<Sonof> and +R
<Sonof> and if i can get the get my flying monkey program working, we'll have that too
<twisted_x___> lol
<twisted_x___> flying monkey program?
<Sonof> it's a messy job, but if i have to kill a million monkeys to get it right. Well then, I'm willing to pay the price
<Sonof> price in a metaphorical sense, we steal the monkeys from zoos
<twisted_x___> lol

BrianL03
16th of March, 2006, 14:48
I do not want to know why your sewage and water lines got switched.

In semi-related news, apparently there was this apartment over a bar that turned on their taps one day and only got beer. The bar downstairs turned on theirs and only got water. Those girls must have had their number of friends skyrocket.

BigRedRod
16th of March, 2006, 19:37
I'm guessing that is just an urban myth

Cadrius
17th of March, 2006, 10:35
This is random, but then again, so is this thread.

Do you know what classic SNES game I absolutely loved as a kid?

Chrono Trigger (http://www.rpgdreamer.com/ffc/ct/)

Seriously. It had everything: time travel, ass kickings, bizarre but compelling characters, cool music, alternate timelines, and more ass kickings.

It might be blasphemy, but I enjoyed it far more than any iteration of Final Fantasy (yes, that includes the much lauded VII).

zachol
17th of March, 2006, 11:51
That music is entirely too cool.

Heh, love silly game midis....

nightinverse
17th of March, 2006, 17:43
Ehhh... Chrono Trigger was great, but I personally prefer Secret of Mana, Earthbound or FF VI.

Cadrius
17th of March, 2006, 18:43
This has to be the craziest juggler (http://marketplace.espeakers.com/movie.php?sid=5290&aid=10558) due to his facial contortions.

Edit: becoming more informed in the world of juggling has forced me to retract a few words regarding Bliss.

Black Plauge
18th of March, 2006, 09:29
I'll see your Chriss Bliss and raise you a Jason Garfield. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=QYUXaYCkv-A&search=jason%20garfield)

Cadrius
18th of March, 2006, 10:12
I am humbled.

zachol
18th of March, 2006, 11:16
Garfield explains this (http://www.jasongarfield.com/pennradio.html), by the way.

Cadrius
18th of March, 2006, 11:27
You can play any song that I've never heard, and I could juggle three balls to it and make up the choreography as I went along and it would look similar to the chris bliss routine except there would be difficult tricks and I wouldn't look like Leslie Neilson.

Best line in the whole piece.

I'll admit, Bliss's movements are certainly spastic.

Did anybody catch the very, very end with the five balls in each hand? Perhaps it's because I never persued juggling, but that completely blew my mind.

Cadrius
18th of March, 2006, 11:56
Since we're in the sharing mood today, I must share this game that I stumbled across while at Newgrounds.

Dad 'n Me (http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/254456) is a game focused solely on one thing: beating the shit out of other kids. What? How could pummeling small children be funny? Or even fun? Don't ask, just do it. Oh good god, it's hilarious.

Flagg Thornington
19th of March, 2006, 08:49
Cadrius has once again presented some classic abuse. Cheers to dat.

zachol
19th of March, 2006, 14:45
That game is far too addictive.

BrianL03
19th of March, 2006, 17:03
You simpletons and your interest in vio-oooooooooh!

RogueSavior
21st of March, 2006, 08:35
Actually BRR it was in the news not too long ago.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2006-03-13-beer-on-tap_x.htm

itches
22nd of March, 2006, 20:42
A question for someone who actually has the book. What's the starting gold for level 3 in DnD?

Gralhruk
23rd of March, 2006, 02:29
2,700gp

BrianL03
23rd of March, 2006, 15:57
Man, I wish I had that much gold. Anyone want to help contribute to the "Feed the Brian" Fund?

itches
24th of March, 2006, 08:04
We talk about such deep subjects.
Why would vampire hookers drug me? I'm not going to pay them if I'm out cold.
I have enough trouble figuring out normal women, I don't pretend to understand the motives of hot undead blood swilling whores.

zachol
24th of March, 2006, 14:34
Well, the lack of life calms them down a deal...

BrianL03
25th of March, 2006, 08:21
Don't make me suckerpunch you for your incomprehensible gibberish.

itches
28th of March, 2006, 01:06
Sonof: orp
Kahluah: what about it?
Kahluah: it's back?
Sonof: yes
Kahluah: please tell me its back
Sonof: i finally got in contact with BRR who got in contact with PaVeL
Kahluah: wheeeee
Sonof: i need a more direct line of complaining
Kahluah: yes

itches
28th of March, 2006, 01:10
UltramanJimBill: there is a mysterious package on my bed
p970167: a bomb?
UltramanJimBill: could be
UltramanJimBill: I seem to have the plague
p970167: was it in the package?
UltramanJimBill: I'm not sure
UltramanJimBill: didn't have my name on
UltramanJimBill: I'd assume it was a graphics card
p970167: your online whoreing finally paid off?
UltramanJimBill: That would explain why the package just has "to the guy with the hot ass" on it

BrianL03
28th of March, 2006, 16:27
Hmmmm... perhaps I should try my hand at internet pornography as well.

itches
28th of March, 2006, 16:46
Cam-whoring is an ancient and honourable profession.

The Alcotroll
28th of March, 2006, 21:58
Hurray for striking caretakers!

BRR is always complaining about having some sort of plague. If he didn't whore himself so often, maybe he'd be healthier...

BigRedRod
28th of March, 2006, 22:01
I'm pretty sure the flu isn't an STD

Flagg Thornington
29th of March, 2006, 00:49
NAw, the flu can be a Sexually Transmissited disfunction.

BrianL03
29th of March, 2006, 10:31
I wish I at least had the possibility that I could have gotten an STD. But no, I can only give resounding "no"s when it comes to that question.

zachol
29th of March, 2006, 16:16
Ah hah hah, what clever ways of self-depreciation we come up with!


What clever ways indeed....

itches
29th of March, 2006, 16:58
Don't worry Brian, I'd give you an STD.

nightinverse
29th of March, 2006, 17:16
Don't worry Brian, I'd give you an STD.

That makes us all feel better.

BrianL03
30th of March, 2006, 01:10
Itches, I'm not really sure I'd like one of your STDs.

Gralhruk
30th of March, 2006, 01:24
But they're FREE!

-J-
30th of March, 2006, 06:45
and lemon scented

BrianL03
30th of March, 2006, 08:48
Regardless of any free and sales-assisting qualities they may have, I don't think I'd really like one.

nightinverse
30th of March, 2006, 09:23
There was this one gaming magazine that said a title could only be better than boxed Syphilius at one point. Greatest review ever.

BrianL03
30th of March, 2006, 13:55
Comparing video games to STDs is painfully easy.

You pay to eventually get screwed and find yourself with an infection that won't seem to go away.

nightinverse
30th of March, 2006, 13:59
World of Warcraft?

BrianL03
30th of March, 2006, 14:14
I'll say yes, only because I've not played it copious amounts. Although I did create a gnome thief who I named Mopoboloko Renetewe. She was awesome, that whole two hours I played. I killed wolves.

nightinverse
30th of March, 2006, 14:19
It caused a rash in a special place after sixteen hours of macro'ed leveling with my paladin.

BrianL03
30th of March, 2006, 14:26
I only get my rashes from all-nighters with my General Council in Civ3. So far, it seems the Trade Advisor is the most knowledgable, which is wonderful.

nightinverse
30th of March, 2006, 14:29
I can't stand Civ3... no offense. I break-out when I bring out the disc.

BrianL03
30th of March, 2006, 15:14
Dang. That game is the thing that keeps me running all night long. Well, that and the older, pre-Warcraft 3, RTSes.

I wish I had an XBox and both KOTORs, though. I would love them forever and give them any STD they wanted.

nightinverse
30th of March, 2006, 15:32
I play Civ2 and TA: Spring... both excellent games. If you want a brilliant RTS that never really gets stale, TA: Spring is the one for you! Free, community based...

BrianL03
30th of March, 2006, 15:57
TA: Spring? What exactly is that?

nightinverse
30th of March, 2006, 17:10
Total Annihilation: Spring

An open-source project originally developed to create a 3d game reminiscent of and somewhat comparable to the cult-classic RTS, Total Annihilation.

Think of it like this... you download the basic Lobby client with two maps and two mods. You can then play online with any of that, and download essentially all other mods and maps... or create your own. The game can be changed in many ways... I've played both Gundam and Star Wars mods, as well as tested the beta for Nano. Everything is free and everybody can contribute.

BrianL03
30th of March, 2006, 17:19
TOTAL ANNIHILATION!

That was my first thought when I saw the TA... oooooh, that could sound incredibly addictive.

nightinverse
30th of March, 2006, 17:32
I've played in 5v5 games with airforces of hundreds... it's very addictive.

BrianL03
30th of March, 2006, 17:51
...

teh drool.

I remember downloading tons of random vehicles that were made by fans. But for some reason, I always loved the amphibious tanks and navies, and would solely build my defenses of those.

nightinverse
30th of March, 2006, 18:10
That's still a valid strategy on any water map...

Right now they're having nameserver issues... but they should be back up soon...

Must... mass... with L1 air and sea forces- must crush all!

itches
31st of March, 2006, 01:59
See this movie (http://imdb.com/title/tt0298491/). Itches commands it.

BrianL03
1st of April, 2006, 09:55
No, itches. I will not fall prey to your vile tricks.

Brian recommends V for Vendetta, which I bet you all have seen anyway.

nightinverse
1st of April, 2006, 13:19
I did.

BrianL03
1st of April, 2006, 15:42
That movie installed a very unhealthy dose of privacy paranoia in me after I watched it. I felt that the degree to which the government was surveying the populace was an exaggerated and hopefully one that will never come true, but I've been noticing public surveillance cameras more and more often, especially since I commute via public transportation.

BigRedRod
1st of April, 2006, 17:58
Brian recommends V for Vendetta, which I bet you all have seen anyway.
The explosions are far more fulfilling when seen on an imax screen.

I'm told that pretty much anybody who had read the comic prior to watching the film hated it though.

BrianL03
2nd of April, 2006, 02:23
I read a synopsis of the comic after seeing the movie and I can largely see why. There is little in the way of similar character personalities, backgrounds, and so on that is carried over, along with the whole moralistic questioning of V's motives.

BigRedRod
2nd of April, 2006, 02:11
I'd trade all of that to see Hugo Weaving in a mask, shoeing people in accompanied by large explosions.

Maybe I'm just shallow.

Cadrius
2nd of April, 2006, 04:22
That movie installed a very unhealthy dose of privacy paranoia in me after I watched it. I felt that the degree to which the government was surveying the populace was an exaggerated and hopefully one that will never come true, but I've been noticing public surveillance cameras more and more often, especially since I commute via public transportation.

Welcome to paranoid schizophrenia. Enjoy your stay.

nightinverse
2nd of April, 2006, 04:37
Maybe I'm just shallow.

Shallow is in this decade... oh how I await the next.

No, I need to procure the graphic novel now...

BrianL03
2nd of April, 2006, 11:24
It was a very nice mask, I'll give it that.

itches
5th of April, 2006, 03:19
Using the American system of displaying dates; on Wednesday of this week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

zachol
5th of April, 2006, 07:58
Amusing!
Now we just need to wait 83ish years and keep our eyes out on June 7th.

BrianL03
5th of April, 2006, 08:29
I know. It's great to be an American, ain't it? We get our special month/day/year line up before the rest of the world ~_^

treehouse
8th of April, 2006, 02:37
I've never been more proud of my country than now.

BigRedRod
8th of April, 2006, 02:42
Crazy backward folk!

What kind of sense does month/day/year make?

BrianL03
8th of April, 2006, 04:48
All the sense in the world, of course! It's only the logical American way! We must strive to be unique and different!

treehouse
8th of April, 2006, 04:55
You know who does their date formatting differently? Dadgum Commies, that's who. You're either with us, or you're against us (on date formatting)!